The subconscince

Man i have been having the strangest dreams the last couple weeks. Well dream i guess, it's always the same one.

It is hard to describe but i'm gonna give it a whirl.

The movement is probably one of the harder things to describe...kinda like a comic strip, there will be really clear moments then all of a sudden it'll be hours later. And i always know the approximate time as if there was a little clock in the corner...but there isn't actually one there. But at the same time there is movement and action in the individual scenes. The entire thing is silent for the most part, and when there is sound it is very distant and muffled.

The closest approximation i can think of to the art composition is somewhere between a toned town 'Ben Templesmith' and the 'For better or Worse' cartoon strip.

The dream consist of a single typical day in my future life.

The first snap shot is a little after 7AM and my wife is getting out of bed...i'm still really groggy and half heatedly try to hold her back by the hand as she goes to get ready for the day. I half sleep for a few more minutes. She comes back and kisses me good bye and leaves for work. I swing my bad reluctantly and sit on the edge of the side of the bed trying to get my barings. Then i crack the door to the baby's room and make sure she's okay. Have a shower, stare at myself in the mirror. Get the paper from the end of the driveway, eat breakfast. Baby wakes up, change the diapper, feed her, play with her for a little while.

Fast forward a few hours, the baby is in a play pen a few feet away from me and i'm bent over a writing desk working on my thesis. Baby makes a little polite cry for attention. I pick her up and hold her for a little while. Curl up in a papasan chair together and she falls asleep in my arms while i read a book.

couple hours later, same scene as before, me working, few feet away baby in a play pen. Mom will be home soon, i keep working, baby gibbers contentidly. Mom pulls in, i pick up the baby and go down stairs to meet her. She kisses me, kisses the babies head. We go to the kitchen and talk briefly about whatever...like i said there isn't really any descernable sounds, i assume her day at work and what not. Then i take off for a few hours, meet with my supervisor, atend a night seminar, head home. Reverse sence, wife and baby meet me at the door, kiss her, kiss the baby.

Few hours later again. Baby has just been put to bed. Were in the living room, i'm sitting on the couch shes lying down with her head on my lap. I can't really say what, if anything, we're doing...reading, talking, listening to music,knitting, whatever...its just very peaceful and perfect.

Few hours later she goes off to bed, i put on a pot of coffee and head back to work for a few more hours.

Around 2AM i crawl in to bed and put my arm around her and fall straight into a deep exhausted sleep.

Every time its the same dream...wake up, say goodbye, stay at home with the baby, get sparadic work/reading done, she comes in i go out, little bit of school, couple hours together in the living room, late night of work, crawl into bed dead tired.

Other things that i don't really know how i know but i do and they're always the same. I'm a PhD student writing part time as a contributeing editor for Rolling Stone, My wifes a primamry school teacher, we have a daughter little less than a yar old.

There is one more part to the dream but its the hardest to describe and that is the feeling of the whole thing. It's this really content feeling of perfection and comfort. The two examples i can think of that might help explain it are these:

Have you ever lain (is that how you spell the past tense of lie?) on the couch with someone watching a movie and when its over you just stay there, just watching the menu screen...that moment is just right. Theres no need to talk, its not boredom, tiredness or lathargy...just perfect.

Or when you pick up a baby. Not a screamy needy baby, but a happy gurgaling baby. You just hold them and look at them...and you know that everything is going to okay. Even if it isn't; this moment here and now is just so...something else. Time stands still, you forget everything else. You're not even really aware of the baby but instead (without getting too mystic-hippy-like) this kinda purely positive energy.

I don't know if that made any sense or if anyone else has ever felt like that...but thats how i feel through out my entire dream. Things are just the way they should be.

All and all a really weird dream for me to be having...kids?!? WTF? Married?!? I can even identify who it is i'm waking up next to eveytime, but this is my blog and i don't want to tie anyone elses name to it. Seriously...This same dream is really very presistant. Every other night at least, pretty much since i've been back, so rounding in on a month now. I don't even want to know what Freud would make of this...

Did my ramblings make sense to anyone else?

Any idea what the fuck it means?